Garba Confirmed as the Only Fitness Programme With 100% Attendance

VADODARA: Fitness researchers have confirmed what gym owners have feared for years. Garba is the only exercise programme in the country that people attend voluntarily, on time, for nine nights in a row.

“Members who cannot manage ten minutes on a treadmill are doing four hours in a circle,” said one trainer, looking at an empty gym. “In heavy clothes. Smiling.”

The study found that dancers routinely pass 20,000 steps a night without noticing, then describe themselves the next morning as “not really a sports person”.

Key findings

• Motivation doubles when the dhol speeds up.
• Nobody has ever skipped the last round “to stretch”.
• Recovery consists entirely of fafda at 2 a.m.

Gyms are now considering a rebrand. Early proposals include a live singer, a strict dress code, and simply closing for nine days.